[翻譯] 六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （原著：Jessica Cocker）

原文：6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲

收一個m，是沒有隨附使用說明的，同樣的，也沒有人天生就是完美的S (支配者)。你可以閱讀許多關於SM生活型態的書籍，或著是和別的S討論，以及參加一些SM活動。但是你仍難逃心底那個絮絮叨叨的聲音，認為自己還是無法做的完全到位。

或許你已經有很多訓練或事後的安撫『該如何做』的教戰守則，但你是否暗自希望還有一份『千萬不要做哪些事』的教條呢？是否有時候覺得自己已經做到最好，卻還是不夠完美呢？一起來看看這六條，小則寵壞m，大則可能損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤吧。

1. 予取予求— 無論你的m想要什麼，她總是能夠隨心所欲。

或許是她網路上發現的最新情趣玩具、或許是讓她略過一次她真的非常討厭執行的日常任務、或著是養成習慣給她所有她想要發生在自己身上的調教。給她所有她所要求的，就像是在養成一隻被寵壞的、放縱的、嬌生慣養的小鬼。她很快就會學到永遠可以利用情緒操控你，進而得到自己想要的一切。當然在一個D/s關係裡，S會愛上m是很常見的，這件事本身也沒有任何錯誤。我個人絕不會想要擁有一個不能給我任何理由愛上的女孩當m。你必須對抗的危機是，當你將彼此的關係視為平等的兩人間一種浪漫安排時，自己就會屈從於動態的權力交換了 。結果只會導向一個膚淺的、冷卻的主奴關係，最終無法再滿足任何一方。偶爾讓她的需求獲得滿足絕對沒有錯，獎賞她提供的好服務、有時候做些讓她開心的事。但是，一個m同時也需要隨時獲得提醒，讓她記得自己是誰、以及自己在這段關係中扮演的角色與地位。

你應該這麼做

把讓她擁有她垂涎的最新情趣玩具，或著放縱她享受一個她特別喜歡的床上活動，當作是她最近為你完成，值得你稱讚的事的獎勵。讓她覺得自己是以付出來贏得這項獎勵的。這麼做可以阻止她發展出掌握權力的感覺，並且灌輸她一個牢不可破的理解—她並不擁有你，而是你擁有她。這能幫助她發展她的服從性。

2. 沒有規矩 — 如果你的m爬到你頭上、試圖挑戰你訂下的規則、沒有達成你的指令與期待，或說了做了你不允許的事情，你絕對不能姑息或當做沒事。缺乏規矩在一個主奴關係裡常是源自於將伴侶視為老婆或女朋友而非m。要管教你所愛的對象很難且甚至你自己都厭惡如此做，這是很自然的，所以很多S即使是在被充分授權之下都不願實施應該為之的矯正行為。他們自我合理化訂定規矩是負面的行不通的，他們的m一點都不需要規範。這將會培育m相信自己的壞習慣不會產生任何不良後果。

這種情形會導致主奴關係中更嚴重的問題。就像孩子總愛用行為來挑戰大人訂下的規範與界線一樣，m也是如此。建立一個清楚的界線反而能讓大多數m感覺到她們需要的安全感與被保護照顧的感覺。很多時候她們爬到S的頭上並不是真的意圖不軌，而只是想要確認自己還是確實的被S管教照顧著。所以如果缺乏對不恰當行為的對應後果，好與壞的界線就會模糊或不存在，而m則會開始感覺不安與不被保護。

你應該這麼做

替你的m訂下清楚而一致的規則與後果。確定她真的了解你的期待，知道自己哪些該做哪些不該做，怎麼樣的行為是合宜的。當她越界的時候你需要馬上站出來給予適當的矯正與處置。不一定都要是對身體的處罰，當然有時候這很有效且不費時，但是如果你的m很享受被打屁股，那打屁股就不是一項非常有效的處罰。取消一項她很享受的特權在這種情形下就相對的有效多了。記得和她說明清楚，確認她了解自己因為自己的壞行為而受到對應的處罰，不要處罰過了頭。要確認該處罰對於犯罪行為來說是合適與恰當的。

3. 總是為他們找藉口 — 當一個m因為疏忽而非刻意犯錯時，S總覺得自己也必須負擔部分責任。覺得m的疏失自己必然也得擔負部分責任，我想這對於任何一個領導者來說都是蠻正常的想法 。「或許我沒有將我的期待與規則對她充分闡述清楚？還是我沒有提供她足夠的訓練呢？」我們總願意相信自己的m是百分之百的投入，跟我們一樣想要表現她最好的一面。這樣的想法讓我們習慣為m找藉口，甚至為了她的錯誤而責怪自己。我們都想要對自己的m有信心，但是對她的越舉睜一隻眼閉一隻眼或著是活在對自己的否定當中，都不是正確的方式。你應該要讓你的m理解，規矩不是由她來訂的，即使不是故意犯錯，她都必須承擔該有的後果。

你應該這麼做

如果你的m因為粗心大意、一時疏忽而犯錯，一定要給予適當的矯正。並且對她解釋她哪裡做錯了，確定她理解自己接受處罰的原因，才不會讓她感覺不公平或不合理。如果她並非因為疏忽或粗心大意而犯下明顯的錯誤，且對你誠實以告，那麼這時處罰或許就不需要，你應該和她一起坐下來討論這件事，確定她明白下次該怎麼做。目標永遠是避免她因為忽視犯錯的原因，而一再犯下同樣的錯誤。許多時候，你知道她因為自己讓你失望，已經流下眼淚，看起來好像她已經充分對不當的行為自我處罰了，但是就像先前所陳述的，當情況是應該要給予處罰時，請毫不猶豫的執行，

4. 不挑戰她的極限 — 如果要選出一項我覺得作為一個S身負的最關鍵責任，我想那就是創造一個適合m養成服從性的環境。要在這樣的生活型態中成長，最佳的方式就是把她推向極限、拓展她的領域。特別是有許多初來乍到的新手女m，總是帶著一份長長的清單，羅列了許多她缺乏嘗試的興趣或著是單純不想試的大小限制。許多這些限制是由於缺乏理解、自信或經驗，對嘗試某些活動感覺恐懼。主奴關係因為是互相的，所以限制必須被尊重。一個m永遠都不該被強迫從事某項她已經表明為「限制」的活動，但是在一些可以被挑戰的限制上，m必須被施加壓力去面對。當一個m表明一些限制是軟性的限制時，她並不是說自己絕對不願意在任何情況下去嘗試這件事。她只是在說這件事還不應該發生，或著是在這件事發生前你應該先與她討論。因此重視這些軟性的限制其實更能幫助她成長和超越自己的界線。如果S永遠不鼓勵她超越她的限制，她就不會成長，或至少不會那麼有效的成長，甚至會阻礙她發現自己的潛能。她可能會變得太過安逸於現況，並且拒絕接觸那些能幫助她成長的事情。

你應該這麼做

告訴你自己的興趣當然是非常重要的，所以你必須及早問她，但絕不要滿足於她給你的那份冗長慾望清單。如果她連和你討論那些有一點令她不安或害怕嘗試的事情都不願意的話，或許她還沒有完全準備好接受這種生活型態。她必須有成長的渴望和願意嘗試與經驗那些最終能讓她成長的事物。不過或許更為重要的是，你必須有意願鼓勵她嘗試這些新事物。

5. 建立壞榜樣

有些時候m可能覺得一點都沒有順從的意願，同樣的，有些時候S也不想要擔任支配者的角色。這是人性，但是身為一個領導者，帶領著這樣一段主奴關係，你必須負起自己的責任，提供監察、引導、訓練，即便這週的工作如此緊張忙碌、或著是生活中有其他事情正在發生使你倍感疲倦。就如同你對於你的m有著期待與需求，你的m也對你有著期待與需求。像是你應該總是積極引領。如果辜負了你對她的責任，就是為這段關係設下了壞榜樣。如果你無法一貫性的負起你的責任，如果你不能做到許下的承諾，如果你為自己找藉口，如果你只是光說一口S的話語卻不練，你的行為將表現出你是怎樣的人。如果你以為你的m不會注意到，那你就錯了，如果她時常感到你不嚴肅看待自己的責任，那麼她終將也會模仿你的行為。

你應該這麼做

在你的m面前立下一個好榜樣，不要讓其他的事暫停你身為她S的責任，給予這段關係所值得的，一貫的注意力。

6. 不夠投入

在非必要的時候選擇超時工作而非準時回家晚餐、在m沒有做錯事時急躁的對待她，或著很顯然地忽視她，這些都是不夠投入的例子。一個m需要感覺到自己的價值。她需要被保證她是令她的S愉悅且有用的。她需要在不變的管教下藉由取悅與服侍主人，來表達自己的順從天性。而這麼做的她，該贏得值得你注意、尊重與投入情感的權力。被忽視的話，一個m就無法感覺到安全與被保護，她可能會因此變得不滿足、不快樂，甚至憂鬱起來。

你應該這麼做

即使你有無數的工作或其他雜務等待你完成，絕不要忽視你的m或著是這段關係。切割出固定給她的時間，一起看部電影或是允許她陶醉地謙卑地待在你的腳下。允許她性感地取悅你。她需要你的投入。她需要你教導她什麼是她該做的，以及她該如何做到你的期待。更重要的是，她需要你不忘記提醒她，自己的真實角色—你的寶貴持有物。

原文出處 http://asibdsm.com/6-ways-ruin-submissive/

在〈[翻譯] 六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （原著：Jessica Cocker）〉中有 11,414 則留言

  5. Signed up to true fortune casino roughly four months back when someone in another thread mentioned it, and not gonna lie I expected it’d be another one of those forgettable casinos that go quiet by Christmas. Still logging in though, so take that as you will.

    Game selection is properly stacked — they claim over 3,000 titles if the filter’s honest. Pragmatic Play dominate the front page, so you get all the standards — Sweet Bonanza gets the bulk of my spins, and there’s decent runs on Big Time Gaming stuff too. NetEnt older titles are hidden behind the filters but they’re there.

    Live section is all Evolution by the looks of it, so it’s fine by me. Crazy Time draw a decent crowd around 8pm, croupiers are friendly enough and quality’s sharp on 4G. The welcome side was a match up to ?500 with 50 free spins, wagering comes in at 35x — standard, not generous. They ran a small no deposit thing at one point too; these rotate quite a bit so I’d read the current ones over on true fortune casino if you’re thinking about it.

    Min deposit’s ?10 last time I topped up, verification took maybe ten minutes with the ID upload. Debit card is what I use, Skrill and Neteller are there and Bitcoin’s an option too for anyone who prefers it. Withdrawals via e-wallet came through in about 24 hours, though card took nearer 72 hours.

    What did irritate me: the verification got asked for twice, which held up a withdrawal over a weekend. Support sorted it but it took two goes. They’re licensed — I did look it up, and that’s the first thing I check now.

    They don’t have an app as far as I found, the responsive site does the job — runs smooth on my iPhone, but scrolling the lobby is a chore on mobile. I’m still playing there, and that says more than a rating would.

    回覆

  6. Signed up to true fortune casino roughly half a year ago after a mate mentioned it, and tbh I reckoned it’d be yet another cookie-cutter places that disappear within weeks. Hasn’t happened yet, so make of that what you want.

    The library’s genuinely big — I’d guess around 2,000 games going by the counter. Play’n GO dominate my recents, so there’s all the standards — Sweet Bonanza eats most of my balance, and I’ve had a couple of proper hits on Betsoft stuff too. NetEnt the back catalogue is tucked away but they’re there.

    Live dealer side is Evolution-run from what I’ve seen, and that’s about as good as it gets. The game shows pull a fair few players after work, the hosts are real and chatty and quality’s sharp on 4G. Sign-up offers is a match up to ?500 with 50 free spins, wagering sits at 40x — standard, not generous. There was a tenner no-deposit during a promo week too; terms change often so you’d want to see what’s running over on true fortune before depositing.

    Min deposit’s a tenner I think, sign-up was about five minutes. Visa works fine, Neteller are there and Bitcoin’s an option too though I’ve not bothered. Cashouts to Skrill came through in under a day, though card took nearer 72 hours.

    What did irritate me: document checks flagged my first upload for no clear reason, which held up a withdrawal over a weekend. The chat team sorted it but I had to repeat myself. Regulation side and I checked before depositing, which is the first thing I check now.

    They don’t have an app as far as I found, it’s browser-based — loads quick on my iPhone, although the filters are fiddly on mobile. I’m still playing there, and that is the honest answer.

    回覆

  7. Эта доказательная статья представляет собой глубокое погружение в успехи и вызовы лечения зависимостей. Мы обращаемся к научным исследованиям и опыту специалистов, чтобы предоставить читателям надежные данные об эффективности различных методик. Изучите, что работает лучше всего, и получите информацию от экспертов.
    Ознакомиться с полной информацией – детский психолог

    回覆

  14. Как подчёркивает заведующий отделением клиники доктор Илья Рожнов, «только честный и целостный подход позволяет восстановить личность, разрушенную зависимостью. Наркологическая клиника в Волгограде — профессиональное лечение зависимостей строит не просто курс терапии, а мост между человеком и его новой жизнью».
    Разобраться лучше – частная наркологическая клиника волгоград

    回覆

  15. Been playing at true fortune casino roughly four months back after a lad from my footy group banged on about it, and tbh I reckoned it’d be just another throwaway sites that vanish within weeks. Still here though, so make of that what you want.

    Game selection is genuinely big — somewhere north of 2,000 games if the filter’s honest. Play’n GO dominate the popular tab, so expect the ones everyone plays — Gates of Olympus swallows the bulk of my spins, and I’ve had the odd good session on Big Time Gaming slots too. Microgaming the back catalogue is buried a bit but they’re there.

    The live rooms are all Evolution as far as I can tell, and that’s the standard these days. Crazy Time and Monopoly Live draw a decent crowd in the evenings, croupiers are friendly enough and quality’s sharp on home broadband. Sign-up offers came in at 100% up to ?300 with 100 spins on selected slots, the rollover sits at 30x — standard, not generous. They ran a small no deposit thing when I joined as well; terms change often so it’s worth a read the current ones at true fortune casino if you’re thinking about it.

    You can get in from a tenner last time I topped up, registration took two minutes plus KYC. Mastercard works fine, e-wallets are there and Bitcoin’s an option too though I’ve not bothered. Withdrawals to Skrill landed in under a day, card was slower.

    The one thing that annoyed me: KYC flagged my first upload for no clear reason, which held up a withdrawal for about 48 hours. Live chat fixed it eventually but the first agent was clearly reading a script. Regulation side and I checked before depositing, which is non-negotiable for me.

    They don’t have an app as far as I found, it’s browser-based — loads quick on my iPhone, but scrolling the lobby is a chore on mobile. Still got a balance sat there, and that says more than a rating would.

    回覆

  16. Started using true fortune casino about six months ago when someone in another thread dropped the name, and not gonna lie I assumed it’d be just another forgettable places that go quiet after a month. Hasn’t happened yet, so make of that what you want.

    The library’s genuinely big — they claim over 3,000 titles going by the counter. Pragmatic Play dominate the front page, so expect the ones everyone plays — Sweet Bonanza swallows most of my balance, and I’ve had a couple of proper hits on Big Time Gaming stuff too. Microgaming classics are buried a bit but they exist.

    Live section is all Evolution from what I’ve seen, which is fine by me. Crazy Time pull a decent crowd in the evenings, the hosts are real and chatty and it doesn’t stutter on 4G. The bonus is 100% up to ?300 alongside 50 free spins, wagering sits at 40x and that’s fairly typical for the UK market. They ran a no deposit spins offer at one point as well; these rotate quite a bit so I’d check what’s live over on true fortune before depositing.

    Min deposit’s a tenner if memory serves, registration took two minutes plus KYC. Mastercard is what I use, Skrill and Neteller are supported and they do crypto now for anyone who prefers it. Payouts on my card took a day and a bit, bank transfer dragged to three days.

    My main gripe: document checks wanted a second utility bill, which delayed a withdrawal over a weekend. Live chat got there but the first agent was clearly reading a script. Licensing-wise it’s and that mattered to me, and that’s non-negotiable for me.

    There’s no dedicated app on the Play Store, it’s browser-based — loads quick on a knackered old Samsung, but scrolling the lobby is a chore on a small screen. I’m still playing there, and that probably tells you enough.

    回覆

  24. Started using true fortune casino around six months back after someone in another thread dropped the name, and not gonna lie I expected it’d be yet another forgettable places that go quiet by Christmas. Hasn’t happened yet, so take that as you will.

    Game selection is no joke huge — they claim over 2,000 titles going by the counter. NetEnt take up most of the popular tab, so you get the ones everyone plays — Book of Dead swallows far too much of my time, and I’ve had decent runs on Yggdrasil stuff too. Microgaming the back catalogue is buried a bit but they’re there.

    Live section is Evolution-run as far as I can tell, and that’s the standard these days. Crazy Time pull a decent crowd around 8pm, croupiers are real and chatty and the streams hold up on home broadband. The welcome side came in at 100% up to ?300 alongside 75 spins on selected slots, playthrough comes in at 35x which isn’t amazing but isn’t a scam either. I got a tenner no-deposit at one point as well; these rotate quite a bit so you’d want to read the current ones at true fortune if you’re thinking about it.

    Minimum is ?10 I think, registration took two minutes plus KYC. Mastercard goes through instantly, e-wallets are supported and Bitcoin’s an option too if that’s your thing. Withdrawals to Skrill came through in a day and a bit, card was slower.

    My main gripe: document checks got asked for twice, which delayed a withdrawal for about 48 hours. The chat team fixed it eventually but it took two goes. Regulation side — I did look it up, so it’s non-negotiable for me.

    They don’t have an app on the Play Store, it’s browser-based — works well enough on a knackered old Samsung, but scrolling the lobby is a chore on mobile. I’m still playing there, and that is the honest answer.

    回覆

  31. В этой статье обсуждаются актуальные медицинские вопросы, которые волнуют общество. Мы обращаем внимание на проблемы, касающиеся здравоохранения и лечения, а также на новшества в области медицины. Читатели будут осведомлены о последних событиях и смогут следить за тенденциями в медицине.
    Ознакомиться с отчётом – какая капельница от запоя

    回覆

  32. Эти действия помогают быстро восстановить водно-электролитный баланс и снизить нагрузку на внутренние органы. После проведения процедур врач дает рекомендации по дальнейшему наблюдению и реабилитации.
    Подробнее тут – нарколог на дом анонимно в калининграде

    回覆

  33. При острых интоксикациях, абстинентных синдромах или тяжелых состояниях, вызванных злоупотреблением алкоголем или наркотическими веществами, каждая минута играет роль. Нарколог на дом в клинике «БалтикМед» приезжает с необходимым оборудованием и медикаментами для стабилизации состояния, проведения инфузионной терапии и профилактики осложнений. Это позволяет избежать транспортировки пациента в критическом состоянии и сократить время начала лечения.
    Подробнее тут – http://narcolog-na-dom-kaliningrad00.ru

    回覆

  38. Врач уточняет продолжительность запоя, характер употребляемого алкоголя и наличие сопутствующих заболеваний. Детальное обследование позволяет оперативно подобрать необходимые медикаменты и минимизировать риск осложнений.
    Подробнее тут – http://kapelnica-ot-zapoya-tyumen00.ru/

    回覆

  39. При длительном запое в организме накапливаются вредные токсины, что ведёт к нарушениям работы сердца, печени, почек и других жизненно важных органов. Чем быстрее начинается терапия, тем выше шансы избежать серьёзных осложнений и обеспечить качественное восстановление. Метод капельничного лечения позволяет оперативно начать детоксикацию, что особенно важно для спасения жизни и предупреждения хронических последствий злоупотребления алкоголем.
    Углубиться в тему – https://kapelnica-ot-zapoya-tyumen00.ru/kapelnicza-ot-zapoya-na-domu-tyumen/

    回覆

  41. Врач уточняет продолжительность запоя, характер употребляемого алкоголя и наличие сопутствующих заболеваний. Детальное обследование позволяет оперативно подобрать необходимые медикаменты и минимизировать риск осложнений.
    Узнать больше – http://kapelnica-ot-zapoya-tyumen00.ru/kapelnicza-ot-zapoya-na-domu-tyumen/

    回覆

  44. Been playing at true fortune casino around four months back when a lad from my footy group dropped the name, and not gonna lie I reckoned it’d be yet another cookie-cutter casinos that go quiet by Christmas. Still here though, so take that as you will.

    The lobby is no joke huge — they claim over 2,500 slots and tables going by the counter. NetEnt carry my recents, so expect all the standards — Gates of Olympus gets far too much of my time, and there’s decent runs on Yggdrasil stuff too. NetEnt the back catalogue is buried a bit but they exist.

    Live dealer side is Evolution-run by the looks of it, so it’s about as good as it gets. The game shows pull a decent crowd around 8pm, dealers are real and chatty and quality’s sharp on 4G. The bonus is 100% up to ?300 alongside 50 spins on selected slots, wagering sits at 30x which isn’t amazing but isn’t a scam either. They ran a tenner no-deposit during a promo week as well; terms change often so it’s worth a read the current ones over on true fortune before depositing.

    You can get in from ?10 last time I topped up, registration took two minutes plus KYC. Visa works fine, Skrill and Neteller are the fast option and Bitcoin’s an option too if that’s your thing. Withdrawals to Skrill landed in a day and a bit, bank transfer dragged to three days.

    What did irritate me: KYC wanted a second utility bill, which delayed a ?200 cashout over a weekend. Support got there but it took two goes. Licensing-wise it’s — I did look it up, which is the bare minimum I’d want.

    No app on the Play Store, just the mobile site — loads quick on my iPhone, though search is a bit clunky on a small screen. I’m still playing there, so says more than a rating would.

    回覆

  46. Все процедуры проводятся под круглосуточным наблюдением. Применяются инфузионные растворы, седативные и противосудорожные средства, а также поддерживающие препараты, позволяющие уменьшить нагрузку на жизненно важные органы.
    Исследовать вопрос подробнее – наркологическая клиника волгоград

    回覆

  47. Поддержка — ключевой элемент на пути к выздоровлению. Мы предлагаем программы, которые продолжаются даже после завершения основного курса лечения. Пациенты имеют возможность участвовать в регулярных встречах с психологами и наркологами, где они могут делиться своими успехами и получать необходимую помощь.
    Получить дополнительную информацию – https://kapelnica-ot-zapoya-irkutsk2.ru/kapelnica-ot-zapoya-anonimno-v-irkutske/

    回覆

  50. В центре применяется последовательная модель лечения, включающая диагностику, детоксикацию, психотерапию, восстановление социальных навыков и постлечебное сопровождение. Такой подход даёт устойчивый эффект даже при тяжёлых формах зависимости.
    Исследовать вопрос подробнее – https://narkologicheskaya-klinika-volgograd9.ru/

    回覆

發佈留言

發佈留言必須填寫的電子郵件地址不會公開。 必填欄位標示為 *


The reCAPTCHA verification period has expired. Please reload the page.