阿布先生調教書/小雪 12

◎夏慕聰

小雪,成為了她的名字。第一聲是主人喊的,如雛鳥睜開的第一眼,便是認定。小雪之前,她只是一個靠著想像,拿著精神糧食努力填充自己無法滿足的空虛。小雪之後,她便是一個被主人擁有的女奴。

小雪,一個毫無法律效益的名字,竟比她的本名來得更真實存在。曾怡蘋是父母給的,得滿足這個一般世界。小雪是主人給的,於是一場華麗色情冒險就此開始。

她沒有想過她有一天會捨棄這個名字,遠離SM世界,就此封印遺忘了這個名字。

她亦沒有想過主人給了這個名字她遺棄後,再次被呼喚「小雪」,依然是主人。是主人讓「小雪」再次重生。

她渴望像那日那夜一樣,赤裸的在主人大腿上誕生。

現在的她還能擁有小雪這個名字,如同當時這麼的驕傲,自己是一個女奴,是阿布先生的女奴嗎?

她彷彿還可以聽見醫院餐廳裏阿布對著她呼喊一聲「小雪」。

与乾哥道別以後,她忍不住的想著如果當時願意委身於乾哥,他們兩個就會是主人的夫妻奴了,是不是很多的問題就解決了?乾哥已經跟大嫂分房睡了,乾哥說是因為工作性質,分床睡比較能確保睡眠品質。人生怎麼這麼艱難來的。沒有辦法滿足所有的人也沒有辦法滿足所有的自己。

她在幼稚園下課時來接曉晴。再怎麼想,真實的人生依然擺在眼前,依然前進著。

她伸著手牽著曉晴,小小的手心好溫暖。生曉晴時,差點難產,那樣全身愈裂的疼痛,對一個女奴來說,竟是如此真實感受。主人給的痛,怎麼比從自己身體誕生小生命的痛。主人給的痛之後的呼呼,她永遠都想要。她知道疼痛之後,便有更好的在等著她。疼痛是女奴驕傲的印記,受不了當什麼奴隸,她是主人的驕傲。再多的痛,她都可以咬牙過關的。小小的她被護理師抱來她身邊時,智清都要哭的臉,她還記憶猶新。

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