◎夏慕聰
Museum S下週六的檔期因為預定取消而臨時空了下來，一時也無法安插什麼檔期，為了不要閒置空間浪費了，龍哥臨時在SMART開了一個活動頁面：「週六緊急集合Museum S!」。由於這天跟同樣是SM場所的D Rednammoc每月固定週六下午活動同一個時段，龍哥也沒有抱著會有多少人來，當做自己人開心的玩一下喝一杯。沒想到才一兩天的時間，活動報名人數已經快破百。龍哥笑說報名人數大概要除以五或六，才是真的會來的參加人數。這日這時權充工作人員的朋友提前抵達Museum S準備。我跟龍哥從停車場慢慢走向Museum S，遠遠便瞧見夜想跟阿妹。她們看到我一聲「龍嫂」稱呼又來了。我沒有生氣，只是提出了異議，即使龍哥在旁，我也還是得提出屬於我自己的意見，「不要叫我龍嫂。我又不是他的附屬品。」她們面面相覷。夜想開了口：「那不然要叫什麼？」
「叫我小衷就好了。如果你們要叫我龍嫂，那以後你們稱龍哥要改口叫衷丈。我是他的附屬品的話，他也是我的附屬品。」我隨口亂謅了一個稱呼。牽著我的手的龍哥側身問著「什麼是衷丈」？「就是從姑丈姨丈師丈改的。」他忽然勾著我的腰：「喔——所以是丈夫的丈啊。」我的手擰了他的屁股。「被叫衷丈這麼開心啊——」
「你們以後不要再叫她龍嫂了。叫她小衷就好了。」他的手擺在他的嘴邊像是講悄悄話：「小衷的女王魂又燃燒了。」
龍哥將我增設在活動頁面主辦人的緣故，收到留言通知，我跟他誰有空便會回覆。不過大部分的疑問都是他在回覆，畢竟他在外面，滑手機比較方便。在Museum S準備開放之前，他正忙著，囑咐我有空要看一下有沒有留言，有的話我要回覆。在Museum S門口擠滿準備進場的人們時，幾則留言通知，其中一個陌生帳號詢問現在是否還能報名參加，也一併的告知我她是新手，好奇地想來看看瞧瞧SM世界的活動。像極了從前的自己，我歡迎她來，但她有些猶豫与不安，於是我跟她傳著訊息聊著，要她鼓起勇氣，從手機後面走到社群前面，在這裏沒有人會強迫她也沒有人會違反她的個人意願。忙進忙出的龍哥注意到了我花了些時間在手機上回訊息，他幾度在我面前走過，我都沒注意到。「怎麼了？這麼專心在手機上。」他突然地出聲，著實嚇了我一跳。「我很少看到你花這麼久時間在手機上，是有什麼有趣的事情？」我跟龍哥提了跟那位新手剛剛的對話，「嗯，滿好的啊，日行一善。」資深禁羈人如果能在SM幫一把資淺新手，真的是日行一善，往後的觀念想法作為可能因此而不同。
Museum S在兩點準時開放進場，參加者絡繹不絕。門口報到處輪流由工作人員換崗，雖然只核對身分、年齡跟SMART上累加積分，但也夠忙的。報到處外的工作人員隨意四處走動，跟參加者閒聊或者互動。而我不時注意著剛剛跟我在SMART上聊著的新手是否已經抵達現場。夜想接著阿妹輪完報到處後，便是我。我一直沒等到那位新手。大概是臨時變卦不來了。多少站在SM大門之前，害怕恐懼無法跨過自己的障礙，前進到這個異世界的。所以這也不算什麼，只是我覺得可惜。
我交班後，其實參加者也到的差不多，名單只剩零星沒有報到的。門口徘徊，遲疑膽怯，躊躇猶豫的人，我注意到了她。一位年輕短髮膚色陽光的女生，她的後腦勺頭髮推得像小男生。「你是要來參加活動的嘛？怎麼不進去。」我問。「⋯⋯我在猶豫⋯⋯」
「有什麼好猶豫的？」我看著眼前穿著七分褲跟夾腳拖的她。「我害怕⋯⋯我害怕著潛藏在內心的慾望⋯⋯踏進去以後，我就被自己的慾望征服⋯⋯如果進入了這個世界，一切都不如我想像的⋯⋯那我要怎麼辦？」她說。似曾相識的場景与對話，我彷彿看見了過去的我。
「裏面跟外面的世界並沒有多大的差別。你內心的慾望，也是一部分的你。跟慾望和平共處，這樣你才是完整的。進去看看吧——你會更喜歡你自己的。」我這麼說著。透過窗，我可以看見ｄｔ對我說話的那時那刻就在眼前。
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