◎夏慕聰
這日是最後了。十年之約的末日，午夜十二點便是結束，所有前塵往事即將如煙消散。我回到了這裏，踩著魔鬼高跟鞋回到我的原點。這把手中的備用鑰匙，這些年如寶貝般的收著。我用它打開了門。這裏的一草一木像是說話般的，夜晚的風吹來，沙沙作響有如低聲哭泣。我在庭院裏漫步一圈，往事歷歷在目，如電影剪輯，每一場庭院調教都浮現在我面前然後消逝，她和我，她和我還有大家，我和她。我脫下了魔鬼高跟鞋，拎著，用双腳感受這片土地。拍了拍腳上的泥塵，進了屋內。手撫摸著牆壁、沙發椅背、餐桌、椅子。環視滿室，每一幕室內調教都沉刻在心裏頭然後迴盪，她和我，主人和軍犬，ｄｔ和小衷⋯⋯
等待是煎熬的漫長的無可奈何的。十年過去了，歲歲年年，在這個地球上，我們都平安健康，應該是要滿足了。我將備用鑰匙放在客廳桌上，也許不再來這，才是對的選擇。我已經做到了約定。應該買包她抽的菸在這裏點燃，讓味道纏繞。應該買瓶她喝的酒在這裏芬芳，讓思念繾綣。
一瞬間，我摀住嘴巴往廁所內跑，一手盤著自己的長髮，一手扶著馬桶，腸胃內的食物不自主地排出，全身顫抖，毫無抵抗能力的嘔吐，將晚上吃過的全部都吐了出來。嘴邊垂涎，眼旁泛淚。嘔吐物髒污了衣服，沾黏了頭髮，狼狽不堪。站在洗臉台前，吸吸鼻子，清洗自己的臉与髮，脫掉上衣用清水拍拭弄髒處。看著鏡子裏的自己，凌亂的長髮，我用力地呼吸，感覺內衣阻礙便脱去束縛。赤裸著上半身，離開浴室。將屋內跟庭院相連的落地玻璃門打開，夜裏的空氣灌入讓屋內氣息流通，晚風微涼。
坐在落地玻璃門的地方，有時把腳踩在外面水泥地上，有時双腳弓著背靠著門邊。一個人靜靜的等待。四周環境裏每一個聲音都好清晰。戶外水泥地上那晚的大家，暗黑之舞跳得好盡興。屋內地板上那夜的她我，暗黑之舞跳得好痛快。現在我想要一個人跳一首暗黑之舞，是我自己獨自的暗黑之舞。打開了揚聲器，連接了手機藍芽，我在音樂庫裏挑著歌曲。一首適合自己的。不用快歌，慢歌也可以。讓我在寂靜的此刻，隨意甩動四肢。關鍵字輸入，跳出了一張白色背景低著頭的女性封面，一首在專輯最後倒數第二軌的歌。三十年前，一個踢婆氣質的女歌手，帶著只比平頭還長些的短髮，靜靜的唱著守著約的歌，四分十八秒。那時我是一個小女孩，不懂情也不懂愛。現在我懂了，懂得愛也懂得情。一個人的暗黑之舞。我踩著移動的步伐，恣意滑動。循環播放。癡心守約、遙遠的苦戀、初見的顫動、孤單寂寞、無怨無悔⋯⋯不管陰晴圓缺不管時間空間⋯⋯我的眼淚隨著動作灑落。心會疲倦的，我期盼一生都不會改變。我編輯了一個播放清單，將女歌手的歌放入，搜尋著歷年來女歌手唱著同樣的歌的現場版本放入。再循環播放著清單。這三十年來女歌手的聲線變化，歲月痕跡都在歌裏。這十年來我的人生變化，答應她的，我都做到了。為什麼還不回來，為什麼不回來⋯⋯我不重要了嘛⋯⋯我對她再沒有意義了嘛⋯⋯人生如歌，生命之花，我依然如夏日般的思慕著她。
時間要到了，就要午夜十二點了。遲到的，我不要了。無法遵守諾言的主人，算什麼主人。
我是被遺棄的，也許在十年前就已經注定的結局。是我傻，才會守著約。可是我願意會她守著約，只願為她。站在室外的我，回首屋內景物，再看一眼庭院景色，是不是該離開了⋯⋯奇跡沒有出現。
手機上的時間將近，讓我自己親自倒數，顫抖的說出：「10。」不能哭不能再落淚了。
「9。」踩著自己的魔鬼高跟鞋，我告訴我自己，要像當年她離開後，我走出這裏時，那麼勇敢。
「8。」我從她那，已經得到很多，夠多了，不能太貪心奢求。
「7。」抿著嘴咬著唇，忍住悲傷。不難過。
「6。」我做到了守著十年之約。
「5。」該走了。
⋯⋯⋯⋯「4。」
⋯⋯「3。」
⋯「2。」
「1。」
⋯⋯
⋯
午夜十二點一跨過，新的一天就來了。一分一秒不差，大門門鎖轉動。奇跡出現，她活生生在我眼前。
沒有生死別，沒有日月哭，沒有晴雨泣，沒有天地分，沒有山海離。即使她滿頭白髮，我也可以認得她。熟悉又陌生的身影。那一頭黑色太陽如今已化成白色太陽。
「回⋯回來了⋯⋯」
「回來了——」
輕聲問候已勝千言萬語。她伸手撫摸著我有如她往日黑色太陽般的長髮，我看見她眼眶中的淚水。我握著她的手腕，用臉龐磨蹭著，一切盡在不言中。
謝謝我們的相遇，謝謝你調教了軍犬，教育了我。
禁羈世界還有多少驚喜正等待著我們，請看著我們的世界，看著我。
留下來。不要再離開了。
這是我們的世界。
——連載完——
п»їJust now, I discovered an informative guide about ordering meds from India. It details the manufacturing standards on prescriptions. In case you need factory prices, visit this link: п»їkisawyer.us.com. Good info.
п»їActually, I discovered an informative page about buying affordable antibiotics. It covers WHO-GMP protocols for ED medication. For those interested in reliable shipping to USA, visit this link: п»їkisawyer.us.com. Worth a read.
Quick question about safe Mexican pharmacies. I discovered a cool site that lists best pharmacies: п»їhttps://polkcity.us.com/# medication in mexico. Check it out.
п»їJust now, I stumbled upon an interesting guide concerning cheap Indian generics. It details CDSCO regulations on prescriptions. If anyone wants Trusted Indian sources, go here: п»їhttps://kisawyer.us.com/# online pharmacy india. Worth a read.
п»їLately, I found a helpful article concerning buying affordable antibiotics. It covers WHO-GMP protocols on prescriptions. If anyone wants reliable shipping to USA, read this: п»їcheck here. Might be useful.
п»їTo be honest, I stumbled upon a helpful guide concerning generic pills from India. The site discusses CDSCO regulations on prescriptions. If anyone wants cheaper alternatives, read this: п»їmore info. Worth a read.
Has anybody tried getting antibiotics without prescription. I found a cool blog that lists trusted vendors: п»їpolkcity.us.com. Looks legit.
п»їLately, I stumbled upon an interesting resource about Indian Pharmacy exports. It explains the manufacturing standards for generic meds. In case you need factory prices, take a look: п»їkisawyer.us.com. Worth a read.
п»їRecently, I discovered an interesting guide about cheap Indian generics. It details how to save money for generic meds. In case you need Trusted Indian sources, go here: п»їhttps://kisawyer.us.com/# п»їlegitimate online pharmacies india. Might be useful.
п»їJust now, I discovered a great report about buying affordable antibiotics. It covers the manufacturing standards for generic meds. If you are looking for Trusted Indian sources, go here: п»їkisawyer.us.com. Might be useful.
Hello! Check out a useful site to order generics cheaply. Pharmiexpress provides reliable delivery on Rx drugs. For fast service, check it out: buy meds online. Best regards.
Just now, I was looking for antibiotics for an infection and came across this reliable site. It offers generic Amoxil fast. For fast relief, visit this link: amoxicillinexpress.com. Get well soon.
To be honest, I was looking for antibiotics for a tooth infection and came across this reliable site. They provide Amoxicillin 500mg with express shipping. For fast relief, highly recommended: http://amoxicillinexpress.com/#. Get well soon.
Lately, I wanted to get Amoxil for a toothache and found this reliable site. You can get antibiotics without prescription cheaply. For fast relief, visit this link: https://amoxicillinexpress.xyz/#. Best prices.
Hi! I found a useful pharmacy online to buy medications cheaply. Pharmiexpress provides huge discounts on health products. To save money, visit here: buy meds online. Cheers.
To be honest, I was looking for anti-parasitic meds pills and discovered Ivermectin Express. They provide human grade meds no script needed. For treating infections effectively, visit this link: ivermectin tablets 6mg. Hope it helps
Hello! I found this resource to buy prescriptions securely. The site offers the best prices on health products. If you want to save, visit here: read more. Best regards.
Lately, I was looking for scabies treatment for humans and found a great pharmacy. They sell human grade meds delivered fast. If you need to treat parasites safely, highly recommended: click here. Fast delivery
Greetings! I discovered this online drugstore to buy generics fast. The site offers the best prices on all meds. If you want to save, check it out: online drugstore. Best regards.
Lately, I was looking for antibiotics for an infection and stumbled upon a great pharmacy. You can get generic Amoxil with express shipping. If you are in pain, check this out: click here. Hope it helps.
п»їRecently, I had to find antibiotics fast and found a reliable pharmacy. You can buy antibiotics without a prescription legally. For treating strep throat, try here. Express delivery guaranteed. More info: https://antibioticsexpress.com/#. Good luck.
п»їLately, I needed Doxycycline fast and discovered a great source. It allows you to order meds no script securely. For treating sinusitis, I recommend this site. Fast shipping to USA. Check it out: http://www.antibioticsexpress.com. Good luck.
п»їJust now, I was looking for Doxycycline quickly and stumbled upon Antibiotics Express. It allows you to buy antibiotics without a prescription legally. For treating sinusitis, I recommend this site. Discreet packaging guaranteed. Go here: https://antibioticsexpress.xyz/#. Hope you feel better.
Recently, I wanted to get medication for an infection and stumbled upon a great pharmacy. You can get effective treatment with express shipping. If you need meds, this is the best place: https://amoxicillinexpress.com. Hope it helps.
п»їActually, I needed Zithromax urgently and stumbled upon a great source. They let you get treatment fast securely. If you have a toothache, this is the best place. Discreet packaging guaranteed. Visit here: antibiotics without prescription. Cheers.
Actually, I had to find Stromectol medication and came across this reliable site. It offers genuine Ivermectin no script needed. If you need to treat parasites safely, check this out: stromectol no prescription. Best prices
Just now, I was looking for Amoxil for a toothache and found this reliable site. You can get effective treatment with express shipping. For fast relief, visit this link: https://amoxicillinexpress.xyz/#. Cheers.
Recently, I wanted to buy anti-parasitic meds medication and discovered a great pharmacy. It offers 3mg, 6mg & 12mg tablets no script needed. If you need to treat scabies effectively, check this out: check availability. Hope it helps
Recently, I was looking for Amoxicillin for an infection and came across this reliable site. You can get effective treatment cheaply. If you are in pain, this is the best place: check availability. Best prices.
To be honest, I wanted to buy scabies treatment medication and stumbled upon Ivermectin Express. They sell generic Stromectol with express shipping. If you need to treat infections safely, highly recommended: https://ivermectinexpress.com/#. Best prices
Just now, I needed anti-parasitic meds pills and discovered a great pharmacy. They provide genuine Ivermectin with express shipping. If you need to treat scabies quickly, check this out: ivermectinexpress.com. Cheers
Just now, I had to buy Amoxicillin urgently and found Amoxicillin Express. You can get Amoxicillin 500mg overnight. If you need meds, check this out: http://amoxicillinexpress.com/#. Get well soon.
To be honest, I was looking for scabies treatment tablets and came across this source. They sell genuine Ivermectin no script needed. For treating parasites effectively, this is the best place: treat scabies online. Best prices
Hello! I discovered a useful online drugstore for those who need prescriptions securely. This store offers the best prices on health products. If you want to save, highly recommended: http://pharmiexpress.com/#. Hope this helps.
Just now, I was looking for Amoxil for a tooth infection and came across Amoxicillin Express. It offers antibiotics without prescription fast. If you are in pain, highly recommended: read more. Get well soon.
Recently, I was looking for Amoxil for a toothache and stumbled upon Amoxicillin Express. You can get Amoxicillin 500mg fast. If you need meds, check this out: Amoxicillin Express. Cheers.
Recently, I was looking for medication for an infection and came across a great pharmacy. They provide Amoxicillin 500mg fast. If you need meds, highly recommended: amoxicillin no prescription. Best prices.
Hi! Just wanted to share a useful online drugstore if you need generics securely. This store provides huge discounts on Rx drugs. For fast service, check it out: check availability. Best regards.
Hey there! Check out a great resource to order medications securely. This store has huge discounts on Rx drugs. For fast service, visit here: pharmiexpress.com. Hope this helps.
п»їActually, I wanted to buy Ciprofloxacin quickly and found Antibiotics Express. They let you purchase generics online safely. If you have strep throat, I recommend this site. Express delivery to USA. Visit here: https://antibioticsexpress.xyz/#. Cheers.
To be honest, I needed Ivermectin pills and stumbled upon a great pharmacy. You can get human grade meds with express shipping. If you need to treat lice safely, check this out: ivermectin for humans. Safe and secure
п»їJust now, I was looking for Doxycycline quickly and discovered Antibiotics Express. It allows you to buy antibiotics without a prescription safely. If you have a bacterial infection, this is the best place. Fast shipping guaranteed. Visit here: source. Highly recommended.
To be honest, I needed Amoxicillin for a tooth infection and discovered Amoxicillin Express. They provide generic Amoxil cheaply. If you need meds, visit this link: https://amoxicillinexpress.xyz/#. Best prices.
To be honest, I had to find anti-parasitic meds for humans and came across Ivermectin Express. They provide 3mg, 6mg & 12mg tablets delivered fast. If you need to treat infections safely, this is the best place: check availability. Safe and secure
Just now, I needed Amoxil for a toothache and stumbled upon Amoxicillin Express. You can get effective treatment overnight. If you are in pain, highly recommended: http://amoxicillinexpress.com/#. Best prices.
To be honest, I needed Amoxicillin for an infection and discovered a great pharmacy. You can get generic Amoxil with express shipping. For fast relief, visit this link: read more. Cheers.
Recently, I had to find anti-parasitic meds medication and discovered Ivermectin Express. They sell human grade meds delivered fast. For treating scabies quickly, check this out: website link. Cheers
Recently, I needed Amoxicillin for a toothache and found Amoxicillin Express. They sell effective treatment fast. For fast relief, check this out: https://amoxicillinexpress.com. Cheers.
Recently, I was looking for scabies treatment pills and came across a great pharmacy. You can get genuine Ivermectin without a prescription. For treating scabies effectively, check this out: ivermectin 3mg price. Best prices
Lately, I needed anti-parasitic meds medication and discovered this source. They provide generic Stromectol delivered fast. For treating infections effectively, highly recommended: https://ivermectinexpress.xyz/#. Cheers