皮繩Q&A專欄，即日起歡迎SMer的提問！
在進行BDSM實踐的時候往往會碰到各種疑難雜症，而你/妳的疑惑很可也是其它人同樣在苦苦尋覓著解答的問題。不分世代老少、不分經驗多寡，無論是關於伴侶關係經營、心理層面的互動、各種實踐的技術、愉虐的醫學和法律、還是身為SMer的身分認同與出櫃，只要和BDSM有關的大小事都歡迎來信[email protected]，每周皮繩愉虐邦會有專人幫你/妳解惑，並且將內容刊登於網站首頁。詳細來信規則請見 https://www.bdsmtw.com/2013/04/bdsm-q-and-a/
來自匿名者的提問
A.您好，身為S，每個人都有自身擅長、拿手的項目。分享自己的專長，並以此招待M方，當然得心應手。不過，對於自己有興趣，卻可能不拿手、較無經驗的項目，雖然不願意拿對方當實驗品，但是，也不知道該如何精進。S之間的「學招」似乎較少見，大多都是私下觀摩其他S分享的資訊或經驗談，或自己查詢影片教學等等，不知道您有什麼建議呢?
B.另一個問題，則是對BDSM關係上的一個矛盾: 雙方必須確保過程是安全、知情、同意下進行的，也就是說，M方應該要知道會被怎麼對待，也知道受不了時要用安全詞保護自己。
但這產生了一個矛盾，即在處罰情境中，M還是會有自己不想作的指令，按照知情同意原則，M可以拒絕執行，然而，這樣一來，處罰情境的權威感立刻蕩然無存，氣氛也會有點尷尬。
反過來說，S方也從「命令者」轉變成「詢問者」，當下立刻有權力置換對調的感覺，不知道您是怎麼看待這個問題， 謝謝您。
皮繩信箱回覆
匿名者您好：
關於第一個問題，其實能和自己的伴侶(無論是情侶還是S/M的關係)一起學習、從自己的伴侶身上得到經驗與回饋，這樣的過程無論對於關係的經營，還是所謂「技巧」的精進，都是非常正向並且值得鼓勵的一件事情。BDSM關係與一般親密關係並無二致，除了身體上的愉悅之外，精神上的互動與經營也是非常重要的一環。而親密關係的建立，往往正是透過一起發掘彼此的慾望和喜好、掌握對方的內心而加以實現的。因此，與其四處尋覓各種「高人」的建議，還不如回頭傾聽你的伴侶的想法與感受、從自己的伴侶身上「學招」，這可能會是一個更能精進自己的作法。
這樣的建議並不是說他人的意見不值得參考，而是要強調在順位上，和你實踐的伴在順位上永遠優於各種被傳授的技巧，因此不應該跳過伴侶，想著「我先去學好了再回來用在你/妳的身上」。
不知道為什麼，有不少認同為S的人似乎都有一種要在M面前展現自己「很專業/很厲害/甚麼都很會」的傾向，但這其實是沒有必要的，因為這反而造成一種心理距離上的隔閡。在我們的繩縛講座中，也有許多的人和她/他的伴侶一起來上課，他們也並不會愧於和自己的伴侶嘗試自己所不熟稔的技法。雖然過程可能並不那麼高高在上，但那其實對彼此都是好的，因為在那樣的過程中我們會相互瞭解的更深，建立更多的信任。而這些對於關係的長遠發展都是很有幫助的事情。
至於第二個所謂BDSM關係中，是否會因為知情同意而造成權力置換的矛盾的問題？其實是不會的，BDSM中的權力並不是真正的權力。BDSM是一種權力的遊戲，既然是遊戲就意味著這個權力具有「不為真」的特質。不然如果BDSM中S方的命令真的具有強迫與不可違抗的特徵，那麼便是真實的暴力而非BDSM了。而在這樣的遊戲中，不輒否認其實M才是站在最主導位置的那個角色。S在大多數的時候都必須要仔細的觀察、掌握對方的想望，並且盡可能地將之滿足，在這樣的過程中S所付出的心力有時也真的近乎某種服務的程度了。但這其實和S/M的角色一點都不衝突。因為在這個遊戲中，S的愉悅來自於自己的權威，但權威的來源正是來自M的承認、M的服從、M的認可。畢竟沒有了M方的存在，S要向誰施展權威呢？能讓S擁有權威的除了那個與之構成關係的M之外就再無他人了。
BDSM是一個情境的遊戲，權力在情境中誕生，也在情境結束時死亡。如果M拒絕了指令、或是講出了安全字，那麼自然是個情境因為某些原因而結束的表徵。這並不是BDSM本身的問題，而是兩個人的溝通、對於彼此狀態的掌握、甚至是自我控制出了差錯，讓那個BDSM的情境無法維持所造成的結果。當然常常BDSM實踐的過程中會挑戰到彼此在身體和精神上的極限，因此一不小心讓遊戲必須要暫停也在所難免，但在這個時候重要的是要在每次的失誤中對於彼此有更深的了解，才能在下一次的實踐裡讓整個權力的遊戲能被運行的更淋漓盡致。
希望這樣的答案對您有所幫助。
workflowsignals – Very insightful, keeps progress on track step by step.
progressengine – Sustaining forward energy creates continuous motion and smooth project advancement.
motioninsightengine – Helpful guidance, understanding motion is much easier after reading this.
motionactivationhub – Clear tips help me understand steps to take immediately.
growthpartnershiphub – Helpful insight, partnerships here foster meaningful, mutually beneficial progress.
directionbuilder – Helpful tips, actions carefully chosen build a strong path forward.
claritycompass – Clear ideas guide your workflow efficiently.
progressbyplan – Great insights, designing steps carefully makes reaching goals smoother.
forwardwithclarity – Great tips, progress feels guided and logical throughout.
progressbeacon – Signals here streamline workflow and ensure momentum continues effectively.
lastingvaluehub – A hub for decisions that ensure trust and enduring success.
progressengine – Signals feed action, ensuring tasks move forward reliably and efficiently.
clear growth flow – Enjoyed reading this, growth strategies feel organized and clean.
forwardprogressguide – Suggestions are concise and help maintain consistent action toward goals.
partnerconnect – Simplifies networking and building meaningful business relationships.
pathshaper – Nice advice, focused actions define direction and support long-term goals.
focusachieves – Nice tips, staying attentive ensures objectives are reached with less stress.
structuredprogress – Excellent advice, makes complicated steps feel straightforward.
pureinsights – Very practical, insights shared help ideas flow into real outcomes easily.
planengine – Strategic idea flow provides a roadmap for turning ideas into results.
trustedpartnersnetwork – Great guidance, this partnership emphasizes dependability and mutual benefit.
jointsuccesshub – Insightful, collaborative frameworks here make mutual growth consistent and achievable.
growthoptimizer – Helpful tips, prioritizing tasks sharpens growth execution today.
pathfinder – Knowing your direction simplifies each step of your work.
actionpath – Useful guidance, focused steps help maintain clear direction over time.
valueinsights – Inspiring guidance, clear concepts flow naturally into daily use.
continuousgrowth – Helpful notes, steady progress builds confidence and momentum naturally.
progressbeacon – Guidance today helps tasks move smoothly toward completion.
successengine – Clear signals create flow and ensure projects move forward efficiently.
jointsuccesshub – Insightful, collaborative frameworks here make mutual growth consistent and achievable.
growth clarity hub – Solid advice, growth concepts are broken down nicely.
taskcompass – Anchored direction ensures your workflow stays steady.
workflowbeacon – Properly managed idea flow allows thoughts to become actionable quickly.
profitpathway – Clear strategies that guide long-term success and stability.
resultswithfocus – Inspiring guidance, keeping effort aligned with priorities speeds up success.
structuredpath – Very motivating, structured paths guide teams toward achieving objectives effectively.
bizlinkhub – A practical hub for connecting with businesses and creating strong partnerships.
momentumbeacon – Focused signals create seamless flow and support consistent progress.
claritydrivesprogress – I like this site, progress tips feel very actionable now.
focusedpath – Clear guidance, keeping focus on core tasks ensures growth moves forward effectively.
innovativepartnershub – Practical, the club attracts members who value creativity and meaningful partnerships.
growth process clarity – Enjoyable read, growth is broken down in a clean way.
pathshaper – Nice advice, focused actions define direction and support long-term goals.
trustcapital – Reliable guidance to improve long-term value and confidence.
ideaengine – Directional clarity helps ideas turn into practical results efficiently.
progresssteady – Excellent insights, following a steady approach keeps progress realistic.
workflowbeacon – Guidance provides structure that anchors growth and keeps progress moving.
planbeacon – Helpful clarity allows projects to advance steadily without confusion or delay.
prescription meds without the prescription
growthinsights – Practical strategies, maintaining focus helps achieve better growth outcomes.